Sabbath Reviews: Le samouraï (1967)

Directed by: Jean-Pierre Melville
Written by: Jean-Pierre Melville, Georges Pellegrin, and Joan McLeod (Novel, The Ronin)

There is no solitude greater than that of the samurai unless it be that of a tiger in the jungle… perhaps…
– Epigraph ascribed to the Bushidō

 

 

Le samouraï is often imitated and rarely done justice, yet still remains unknown by too large of a portion of the population. A movie of the late ’60s, this film combines the motif of the ronin with French gangster cinema and produces one of the coolest movies in a century. Film buffs applaud it, Criterion honored it, and now I’m going to do my best to convince you that if you’ve let this one slip: you need to watch it.

The very first shot of the film is of a large, sparsely decorated room occupied by hitman-for-hire Jef Costello and his pet bird. The composition of the shot is absolutely perfect and the length it is held — for the duration of the opening credits — immediately sets upon you an impression. The above quote is displayed during this time to help set the tone and it’s a welcomed addition, but without it we already know this man is a lone wolf (referenced later in the film).

Costello, played by Alain Delon, is the picture of cool. The coat, the hat, the youthful face and that dead, stone-faced stare of his make him amazing to watch in action. He’s a man of few words. In fact, it takes about 10 minutes before we get our first bit of dialogue in this movie and the rest of the film is short on dialogue, particularly in scenes with Jef. He rarely talks and everything he says seems to carry more weight because of it. Any movie focused around a charismatic professional owes a lot of thanks to Delon’s performance here.

Jef Costello is a professional — we watch him steal a car, see the ring of keys which he tries one at a time until one fits — and watch as he constructs a perfect alibi for the night’s contract killing. He’s perfect, yet when we watch Costello, it happens to be on the night that things fall apart on him. Yet, just from 10-15 minutes of watching his cool demeanor and the manner of which he goes about his day, we feel like this is the first time in a long string of successful kills that things have gone wrong for Jef. We have no actual proof of this. The film doesn’t start with a reel of his exploits. His demeanor and character are enough to convince us.

Therein lies the central plot to the film as after he completes his kill, he is witnessed and pulled into a police line-up with a large amount of other suspects. He had earlier gone to a woman’s house, one who obviously has affection for him despite his inability or lack of desire to show its return, and told her simply he was there from 7:15 – 1:45. She understood and alibi’d him for the crime, but the investigator sees right through it. Even after only one of the witnesses positively ID’d Jef and the rest claimed it was definitely not him, he still had a gut instinct that their killer was getting away.

It should also be mentioned it’s at this time we hear Jef’s criminal record: it’s clean.

The pianist at the club is the last witness to claim she never saw him, despite being the one who most obviously recognized him. This comes into play later, but it’s not important to mention now.

The hitman leaves police custody and eventually goes to collect his payment where he is reminded that he allowed himself to be brought in by the police. Jef informs the money man that it amounted to nothing and for his efforts, gets shot. He manages to escape.

His former employers now want him rubbed out and the police still think he’s the man who committed the crime. Jef bounces back and forth between the solitude of his important and searching for leads on how to get to the people who burned him. His cool, externally, never fades but internally he’s a mess. He is alone in the world, self-imposed no-less, like the caged bird he keeps in his apartment. It’s fascinating to watch him barrel through the events that have unfolded in his life all the while keeping so disconnected from them. His look never fades, even when one of the people he’s after finds him in his apartment and holds a gun to his head.

Le samouraï is beautiful to watch. The character alone is worth the price of admission and worthy of having this film shown to aspiring screen writers. Not only that though, this film is magnificently shot and decorated. It should be shown to would-be filmmakers as an exercise in composition, colors, lighting, camera movement, stage decoration — the whole kitten caboodle. Some of the shots are just stunning and the choice of camera locations in some situations feel unique despite the film being over forty years old.

I often tread the line between film snob (as a student of film, I have to try to be) and casual, dumb film lover (I can’t help it — I love some shitty movies). At times the latter wins out over the former, or makes me lazy and stops me from digging through the older films — let alone the older, foreign films. I’m glad I finally decided to pop this one in and give it a try. I wasn’t disappointed. So many films want to be this one and you can point out the films influenced by each little thing in this movie as you watch. Hell, Ghost Dog: Way of The Samurai is pretty much a remake of this. Luc Besson, John Woo, and Quentin Tarantino owe a lot to this movie as well. Do yourself a favor and see where it all began.

“I never lose. Never really.”
– Jef Costello

 

— Sabbath

Chainsaw Cheerleader Reviews: Antichrist (2009)

Directed by: Lars von Trier

Written by: Lars von Trier

Cast: William Dafoe, Charlotte Gainsbourg

Genre: Suspense

 

I consider myself a very tolerant person because of this it takes a lot for a movie to piss me off. Antichrist is one of those few movies that crossed the line. To say that Antichrist is misogynist would be putting it lightly. The most insulting part of Antichrist is that it tries to pass misogyny off as art. The director, Lars von Trier, often has scenes in black and white, uses the Handel aria, and slow motion to try to dress this turd up as art. While the film was pretty and nicely shot, it is difficult to focus on that when the film is about something so ugly.

The plot:

After the death of their child, He (Williem Dafoe), who is a therapist and She (Charlotte Gainsbourg) go to their cabin in the woods in order to work through their feelings of pain and guilt. In hopes to mend their emotional wounds, He councils She, as She’s insanity hits its peak. He’s therapy seems to work but this is soon seen as a facade. She quickly begins to act out and this acting out manifests in violent sexual behavior. This behavior soon turns torturous.

The misogyny bullshit break down:

*By naming the characters He and She, there is an emphasis on gender and not the personal individual that normal names bring.

*The wife blames all the insane things she does on her belief that women are evil.

*Watches her child, who is male, fall out a window to his death and does nothing.

*From the very beginning of the film the  wife is emotionally unstable. Throughout the entire film the husband is strong and uses his strength to try to help his wife.

*Woman torturing a man for pleasure.

*While they are having sex, she demands that her husband hit her. She believes she deserves it because women are evil. When he refuses she runs away to masturbate in the woods.

*The wife drills a weight into her husband’s leg because she believes he is going to leave her and doesn’t love her anymore.

*Smashes his penis and testacies with a large piece of wood.

* Cuts off her clitoris with a pair of scissors which is very insulting because for many women they can only reach orgasm by clitoral stimulation.

*No matter what his wife does to him, he does not fight back or hit her to defend himself.

*The one time that the husband does touch his wife is to killer her, thus stopping the insanity that his wife blamed on her being a woman.

*The husband sees a deer with a stillborn fetus hanging out from her womb on several occasions.

*As he escapes and wanders down the mountain, he stops, looking down the mountain as hundreds of women walk up it.  As they close in around him the scene goes to black  and the movie ends, leaving the viewer to  wonder if the women killed the husband who killed his wife.

*At the end of the film the title of the movie is shown. The T at the end of Antichrist has the female gender symbol representing the T.

William Dafoe is a great actor. The man has perfected creepy and cool. He was wonderful in The Boondock Saints and Platoon. Despite how much I disliked Antichrist, Dafoe was still enjoyable to watch. His acting is not an issue at all with this film. The only issue about Defoe is the graphic sex scenes he has with Gainsbourg. No one wants to see Dafoe naked. No one wants to see Dafoe having sex. No one sure as hell wants to see Dafoe’s penis. His penis is also massive. Jesus Christ, it’s like he’s smuggling a trouser snake. How in the world is the viewer going to see him in another film and not automatically think of the Godzilla in his shorts? Antichrist not only shows Dafoe’s penis, it shows it in close ups while it is entering Gainsbourg’s vagina. This is not the only time that Dafoe’s penis makes an appearance. For example, Gainsbourg crushes his penis with a big log and then masturbates him until he ejaculates blood onto her chest. I am sure at some point a stunt penis was used but it was still attached to Dafoe therefore it is still troubling. As shallow as this sounds, there are some people when seen naked give you the willies (no pun intended). For example, Kathy Bates naked in a hot tub in About Schmidt. The movie would not have suffered or lacked an element to its story had it not shown his penis. By showing Dafoe’s penis in such a graphic manner it seems it is purely used for shock value.

I would not necessarily call myself a feminist but I am anti-bullshit. Had this been anti-men I believe I would have been equally offended. Films such as this also raise the question of what is art? A film can be artistic but is it art when it has such a negative message? Some may say that an aspect of art is to force us to look at things such as this and get us to start thinking about it. But what if the art does not live up to the issue?

The major problem with Antichrist is that it makes no statement. It simply proclaims that women are evil and then leaves it at that. When one makes such an extreme statement one must back this up by stating a reason. Women cannot be seen as evil because they kill their children or mutilating genitals.  These things have nothing to do with all women. They are events in the film. Not reasons to hate them. I can understand hating the woman who kills her children and smashes her husband’s penis but that is one woman, not women.

This piece of shit movie won and was nominated for a number of awards. Gainsbourg actually won an award for best actresses. There is also a video game in the works that will start where the film ends, which is frankly pure crazy as the end of the film goes to black as hundreds of women begin to crowd around the only male in the film. This begs  the question as to what is this video game going to be about? Killing women? Video games have a bad enough rap as it is. This will just add fuel to the fire and we will all have to endure more older adults complaining about how videos games are corrupting the youth.

I cannot recommend this film to anyone. If one wishes to watch this film purely for the artistic way it was shot, then one may find it interesting. If one doesn’t feel like being insulted don’t even bother with Antichrist. Which is the choice I only recommend.

Lastly, I would like to add…Fuck you, Lars von Trier and fuck your piece of shit film.

Antichrist receives 2 out 10

Tigris Rose reviews “Harold and Maude” (1971)

Harold and Maude (1971)
Director: Hal Ashby
Writer: Colin Higgins
Stars: Ruth Gordon, Bud Cort, Vivian Pickles
“Harold and Maude” is kind of a quirky, messed up kind of movie. I can be honest in saying this movie is not for everyone. In reality, it’s not for most people. “Harold and Maude” in the best sense of the word is a dark humor comedy. Morbid really. If you don’t mind movies that pokes fun of death and suicide in a dry, sarcastic, way. However, idealistically idealizes life like a hippy you might enjoy it. Most people in a way will be kind of offended because of how they use suicide as a punch line. But at the same time it uses death and the insight of a very strange old woman to unfold an epiphany of life for Harold.

Harold is a 19 year old, who is obsessed with death. He comes from a very well to do family. So like any aristocratic family in the movies he never really got a lot of attention since he attended boarding school. There was an incident at his school were a boy committed suicide and Harold disappeared. The school, and Harold’s mother thought it was him. The attention that he got the moment that she found out that he was alive was the most he’s ever had. So from that moment on, he stages fake suicides that his mother just learned to ignored. One thing that is kind of funny is that Harold drives a hearse, even after his mother bought him a really nice car he changed it to a hearse.
Now since Harold is obsessed with death he is constantly going to funerals. Doesn’t even matter if he knows the people or not he just shows up. He’s like a lambda who tries to get into a Alpha Beta kegger. But he ends up meeting Maude at one of these funerals, a almost 80 year old woman who’s philosophy of life is kind of like a hippy. It all love, life, and adventures. Almost like this sugar coated cavity because she is so positive about everything. Maude goes to funerals because she is fascinated by people’s rituals around death, and trying to pinpoint when the best age for her to die.
The two of them end up coming together for different reasons. Maude loves life in its entirety and is like a teacher to Harold. Harold has an Oedipus feeling for Maude as she teaches him to love life and move on from the life his mother wants him to have. The have a physical relationship later in the movie and its so wrong.
I love Maude’s view of life. It’s very poetic. She has no boundaries. Near the beginning of the movie to get around before she meets Harold she just takes cars. Borrows them at will to drive where ever she wants. She even gives the cops a run for their money as she takes a policeman’s motorcycle. But she believes in being an individual, living life to the fullest, but at the same time she believes that there is a perfect age that one can die.
Harold is messed up. When the movie first start he tries to hang himself. He tells the shrink that he’s faked about 15 suicides. My favorite one is one of the computer dates his mother fixed him up with is sitting in the parlor with his mother just talking. All the while, Harold is outside were only the girl can see him and he lights himself on fire and she starts freaking out . Then all of a sudden he comes inside without even a scratch as the girl just screams as she runs out of the house.

It is just completely messed up how this movie ends. Maude decides that 80 is the perfect age to die. Before Harold comes over to celebrate her birthday she takes pills in order to kill herself. Despite Harold’s attempt to save her she dies at the hospital. Then Harold basically drives his hearse over a cliff. But it is just his car, because he is on top of the hill and just walks off.

This movie is not for everyone. This is a very eclectic and artsy kind of movie. Its not exactly great cinematography, but it was the early 70’s there aren’t a lot of good artsy films with good cinematography. I’d give the movie a C+. I really enjoy this movie, it is very artsy, but it is very enjoyable. Kind of a really messed up feel good movie. It does make think a bit about life and death, just in a very dark humor kind of way.

Chainsaw Cheerleader Reviews: The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! (2010)

Directed by: Greg Franklin

Written by: Dave Jeser, Matt Silverstein

Cast: Adam Carolla, Jess Harnell, Abbey DiGregorio, Jack Plotnick, Tara Strong, James Tayllor

Genre: Comedy, Animation

 

Bodily function humor. Sexist jokes. Religious gags. Racist comedy. Low-brow entertainment can be funny but only when it’s done right. The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! is nothing more than off color humor that delivers the sexual fetish called crushing, a monster called Bipartisanship that defecates into its own mouth, necrophilia, the Disney character Ariel’s vagina, and a 3D lesbian sex scene (for some reason 3D glasses do not come with the movie).

Drawn Together was an animated television show that ran from 2004 to 2007 on Comedy Central. After three seasons it was quickly canceled. Taking place in a reality show setting, the Drawn Together cast was made up of eight character traits that parody personality types that are seen most often on these types of shows. The characters lived together in a house that was setup like the reality television show The Real World.

The humor of the show is mainly black comedy and satirical. The prime focus of this humor is mocking stereotypes. By doing so the show is making fun of bigotry. The show often takes on homosexuality, sex, death, and violence. Drawn Together was considered highly controversial for its relaxed attitude toward taboo subjects (racism, abortion, spousal abuse, etc.). The actor who lends his voice to Caption Hero once stated that, “Most of the racism on the show is coming from people who are so obviously stupid about it; it really isn’t that threatening.”

The cast:

Spanky Ham (Adam Carolla): A parody off flash cartoon characters that is obsessed with sex and who’s humor is mainly fart jokes. He is a vehicle for sex jokes and toilet humor.

Xandir (Jack Plotnick): A parody of video game heroes, who is homosexual. He is a vehicle for jokes about homosexuality and/or sexuality in general.

Ling-Ling (Abbey DiGregorio): A parody of Pikachu from Pokemon. He is a vehicle for jokes about immigrants and anime.

Caption Hero (Jess Harnell): A parody of Superman, that is a pervert, chauvinistic, and often has fits of weeping panic. He is a vehicle for making fun of superheroes and macho type men.

Wooldoor Sockbat (James Taylor): A parody of children’s show characters such as SpongeBob SquarePants. He is a vehicle for innocence and making fun of the cartoons we grew up with.

Toot (Tara Strong): A parody of cartoon sex symbols. She is a vehicle for jokes about alcoholism, obesity, depression, and self-mutilation.

Foxxy Love ( Cree Summer): A parody of cartoons from the 1970’s, such as Josie and the Pussycats. She is a vehicle that is used to make fun of blaxploitation films, racism, and is often used to help move one scene on to another.

Princess Clara (Tara Strong): A parody of Disney princesses. She is a vehicle for making fun of racism, the wealthy, and religion.

The Plot:

The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! begins with one of the cast mates, Foxxy Love discovering that she can swear without being bleeped (censored). After she enters the control room of the reality show, she realizes that the show has been cancelled for two and a half years. After convincing her cast mates that they have been canceled, they check their television to see what show has replaced them. They learn that The Suck My Taint Show (which is a parody of South Park) now has their time slot. Wanting to get back on the air, the cast decide to visit the host of The Suck My Taint Show in order to find out how they can get their time slot back. After meeting with the host of this show, the casts is told that the reason why they were canceled is because they are rude and crude without a point. The host goes onto explain that the reason why shows like Family Guy and South Park are still on the air is because each episode has a point. The host tells the cast they must go to Make-A-Point-Land and  the wizard who lives there can give their show a point which would help them get back on the air so that their show may seem more topical than low-brow. It is around this time that the cast soon discovers that they are cheap knock-offs of real and popular cartoon characters.

After Foxxy Love calls the network to see why the show was cancelled, the network head learns that the cast is still alive after he ordered them to be erased. Demanding their deaths, the network head summons  I.S.R.A.E.L. (Intelligent Smart Robot Animation Eraser Lady). I.S.R.A.E.L. is a robot designed solely to erase cartoon characters. She relentlessly hunts down the cast as they try to not only save their lives but their show.

The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! takes full advantage of the fact that it is straight to DVD and uncensored. It is also very aware of the nature of what the creator is doing. In fact, they could not care that the show will appeal only to certain people and that at the end of every show they remain meaningless. For example, at the very beginning of the show after Foxxy Love discovers that that she can swear without being censored she tells Wooldoor to pull down his pants and show her his penis to test if it will be blurred. Wooldoor pulls down his pants and a large long black penis practically flops out of his shorts. It is also a non-animated penis that is hanging off of a yellow cartoon character. Another example is that Caption Hero has a girlfriend who is dead and comes to question what other superheroes she has slept with. As Caption Hero begins to imagine what she has done the viewer is treated to snap shots of his dead girlfriend having necrophilic sex with He-Man, The Green Lantern, Plastic Man, and Dr. Manhatten. Lastly, we see his dead girlfriend laying in a bathtub as Robin receives oral sex from Batman. There is no point to these gags other than to make the viewer laugh.

The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! has one major aspect that helps make the crude humor work. The film attacks each situation with satire. The satire is none stop and is used for one joke right after the other. The use of satire helps difficult subjects like abortion or murder be funny. As awful as that sounds, it takes a great approach in order to make someone laugh at such sore issues.

If you have never seen the Drawn Together television series the movie may not be for you. To better understand the filth and how it is delivered for some it may be important to watch the series first. The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! was not created for those who are not fans of the show. This is blatantly clear as the main villain of the film is a person who is  not a fan of Drawn Together. The movie is a love letter and a thank you to its fans. Drawn Together has a large cult following and with this movie its creators are thanking them for their support. If you are a fan of Drawn Together you will not be disappointed. It is everything you have come to expect from the show and more.

The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! receives 9 out of 10

Sabbath Reviews: The Collector (2009)

Directed by:  Marcus Dunstan
Written by: Patrick Melton & Marcus Dunstan

“Relentlessly bloody and just as relentlessly idiotic deathtrap thriller for the Saw crowd.”

“The Collector must be the laziest horror film of the year – the camerawork stinks, the action’s boring and the plot holes are so glaring they wouldn’t get past a lobotomized goose.”

“This is a crass, silly and baffling slice of torture porn — with the audience being tortured, chiefly with boredom.”

– Reviews from RottenTomatoes.com

The above reviewers have been sent an invite to kindly eat my ass.

After viewing The Collector I was surprised to see so many film critics are completely unappreciative of pure, unadulterated entertainment. As a culture, we seem to swing to one extreme or the other. One crowd firmly believing if it isn’t art, it’s not worth watching. The other crowd being too stupid to spell the word art. At some point we just have to admit: some movies are made to be enjoyed on an intellectual level, and some on a more visceral level. It doesn’t necessarily make a movie bad, it just makes it not a fucking Michelangelo.

No. Not you.

Normally I wouldn’t give two shits except I’m sort of offended here by the sheer amount of scathing reviews this movie got when I was completely entertained from start to finish. The very legitimate statement can be made that this is little more than torture porn, but with thankfully less twists and turns than the Saw series. Why thankfully? Because that fucking series should have been wrapped up about 4 movies ago, that’s why.

This is torture porn, but it’s good torture porn. It’s a movie with little moral and reason, but it succeeds at keeping you in suspense from start to finish with its claustrophobic atmosphere and — holy shit, you don’t even know what the fuck this movie is about, do you? Let me back up.

Arkin (Josh Stewart) is a repairman at the Chase family household. The family just moved in so Arkin’s handling all the odds and ends, an exterminators taking care of the bug problem, etc. After a rather unsettling incident where the father of the house finds Arkin having a tea party with his little girl, Arkin informs him that he has a girl about her age. His child’s mother happens to be a stupid bitch and I blame her entirely for the events of this movie.

See, Arkin was supposed to make enough money to pay off her loan shark debts and the paycheck didn’t cut the mustard. She’s looking to flee town but Arkin knows the family is supposed to be out of town tonight and — having a past criminal record and knowledge of the contents of the house — plans to rob the Chase family of a precious jewel and make enough to pay off his wife’s debts from the sale.

He breaks into the house and soon finds out that the Chases never really left. He tries to use the phone — which has a needle sticking out of the earpiece and jabs him right in the ear. Arkin’s about to find out that the whole house has been booby-trapped with sick and twisted devices to kill, sever, and maim. Now he’s trapped in the house and he makes eye contact with the father who has been severely tortured. After witnessing Chase fall into a trap and get collected by the masked psychopath, Arkin begins to nimbly navigate his way around the house, trying to avoid the traps and save the family.

Arkin is probably the most unlikely protagonist given his initial intentions, but he proves to be one bad ass son of a bitch. I found myself rooting for him 100% of the way like the guy was Batman. He’s a small, nimble action hero in this movie to me. He could have focused on escaping from the beginning but his sights are completely set on helping these people.

Bear traps, floors coated in acid, razor-sharp and nearly invisible wire, knives — everything but the kitchen sink is used. The torture scenes are pretty gruesome and ultimately, yeah, seen before in various movies but still … gruesome. It’s gory, it’s simple, but most of all its chock full of suspense and perhaps the thing I get the least is how somebody could call this film boring.

Call it simple. Call it soulless. Call it whatever you want, but you can’t call it boring. I just don’t see how.

The home invasion scenario has been used, yes, but why reinvent the wheel? Home is a sanctuary. There is something inherently frightening about having the sanctity and safety of your own home violated and it works to create a terrifying atmosphere. The rooms are claustrophobic, even more so because most of them have been trapped and there’s tons of teases to traps being almost tripped … but sometimes it’s not a tease. Sometimes bad shit just happens to good people.

Less intelligent than a film like The Strangers, it succeeds in matching its levels of suspense and at points exceeding it, while filling the void of mindlessness with a plethora of gore. I loved it.

Sometimes you just need to turn your mind off and immerse yourself in a film. But fuck you, I’m still not watching Jackass movies.

— Sabbath

Sabbath Reviews: Batman: Under The Red Hood (2010)

Directed by: Brandon Vietti
Written by: Judd Winick

Batman: The Animated Series is one of my all-time favorite cartoon shows from my childhood. The episodes stand the test of time and looking back at them, I can see they were dark enough for adults to appreciate as well. Kevin Conroy is the voice of Batman to me and Mark Hamill is undoubtedly The Joker. At the very least, these are constants when it comes to Batman animation.

I’ve been wanting to watch Under The Red Hood since I got word of its inception. I don’t regularly watch animation any more and when I heard Conroy and Hamill weren’t going to be a part of it — I was a little let down. A little worried too. I didn’t know if these unfamiliar voices would ruin the entire thing for me. It was late at night, I was getting ready to get some shut-eye, and this happened to be on my Instant Queue. I decided it was time to give it a shot.

For those unfamiliar, in the comics Jason Todd (Robin) was brutally beaten by The Joker — and the fans were given the vote as to whether he lived or died. Children, being the evil, bloodthirsty leeches they are, decided Todd should bite the big one.

“I’d avenge you, but that’d mean killing kids. That’s a big no-no back in the Hall of Justice.”

In one of the most iconic scenes ever in comic book history, Batman finds Todd’s body and holds him in his arms in mourning. This backstory is played out for us in the first scenes of Under The Red Hood. It is here that we are introduced to Hamill’s replacement for the movie. John DiMaggio does the voice of The Joker and …. I kind of wish they had made him re-do the voice for this entire opening scene. The Joker sounds nothing like you would ever imagine The Joker to sound like especially in this opener, but as the film progresses it seems like DiMaggio finds his footing a bit better. It’s so odd because his voice in this first scene is the last thing I would ever expect The Joker to sound like and it gradually changes and improves over the film. I still hated his Joker. It was at this point that I began to worry — was my childhood nostalgia going to ruin the whole movie for me?

Five years later, gang bosses are brought together to have a meeting by the mysterious Red Hood voiced by Jensen Ackles of Supernatural fame. At first I thought Ackles sounded bored or unsure of himself, but as time progressed I really liked him for the Red Hood and by the end I really loved it. Anyway, the Hood tells them they’re under his thumb now and he’s going to offer protection from Batman and the Black Mask (another criminal) as long as they kick back some dough.

The plot really revolves around who The Red Hood is with initial signs pointing to The Joker, as he donned the Red Hood moniker before his accident transformed him. Along the way we are introduced to another of Batman’s former Robins, Dick Grayson who is now Nightwing and is voiced by Neil Patrick Harris. I bring this up despite his small role because … Neil Patrick Harris is fucking awesome. I don’t watch How I Met Your Mother. I just know it as a universal truth. Oh, and his Nightwing performance was great and the comedy relief he provided in this dark story was much needed.

Bruce Greenwood’s Batman is not Kevin Conroy but it’s not bad either. I think I’m mostly just disappointed it isn’t Conroy, but if I was unbiased and didn’t know of Conroy’s Batman I’d probably be praising Greenwood right here. He does a fine job really.

The animation is dark and reminiscent somewhat of the old Animated Series. It definitely feels different than Justice League: Crisis On Infinite Earths (which happens to be the only other DC animated movie I’ve watched), which is good. It wouldn’t have fit Batman if it had. I appreciated that the fit was right.

What really drives this movie is the story. It’s an animated movie based on a comic book and ultimately meant for kids, so keep that in mind — but the story was damned good even for someone who knows the outcome. The themes are strong and poignant despite the age group it’s “meant for”. It also raises a few good questions, like: Why doesn’t Batman just kill The Joker? The answer isn’t a complete cop out either. It’s not something black-and-white and I appreciate that because for once in my life … I doubted The Bat. I doubted his code. I’m ashamed to say it, but for once in my life, I thought Batman was wrong.

But as always, he proves why he’s The Dark Knight.

The change is voice talent didn’t kill this for me. Hamill is retiring The Joker’s voice and I just have to come to grips with that. Batman is a character that is timeless and will outlive Ledger and Hamill and continue to thrive because these characters — spandex tights and all — are our era’s legends. I don’t care how old I get, I will always love superheroes. If you’re a fan of The Bat, pick this up. It’ll wash the taste of that horrible Batman: Gotham Knight compilation right out of your mouth. Even Conroy couldn’t save that shit.

— Sabbath

Dub Cee Reviews: Sleepy Hollow (2000)

Director:  Tim Burton

Writer(s):  Washington Irvin (Story),  Kevin Yagher and Andrew Kevin Walker (Screen Story)

I am just going to put this out there right off the top. Tim Burton is one of my favorite directors. Johnny Depp and Christopher Walken are two of my favorite actors. Finally, Christina Ricci is one of my favorite actresses and hey, she is hot, which is never a bad thing to have in your leading female. That all said, I am not a huge fan of this movie. I do not hate it. I have actually watched it a few times. That said, let’s take a look at it.

Sleepy Hollow, as you might have guessed, is a retelling of the classic short story The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving. Needless to say, turning a short story into a 105 min movie requires some creative liecense by the writers. And they use it. Ichabod Crane (Depp) is an exiled and mocked police inspector who is sent to the village of Sleepy Hollow to investigate a string of deaths. Upon his arrival he learns of the details of the murders. The heads of the victims have been removed and the heads cannot be found. The locals are tell the tale of a brutal Hessian (Walken) who was killed by Colonists during the Revolution. When he was captured, his decapitated and his head buried with the body. Legend has it that whoever controls the head of the Horseman, also controls his reanimated body.

Ricci plays the daughter of one of the prominent locals who we later learn is involed in a massive paternity cover up which Crane slowly…and I do mean slowly unravels. Casper Van Dien has a small role as the local young hot shot. He fights well but eventually has to split. Once you see the movie you will get the joke…and its the same level of humor as you will find in the movie. For example, our heroes are fleeing into a windmill to escape the Horseman. The person controlling the Horseman sees them and remarks, “Watch your head!” See, clever.

Overall, there are a couple of somewhat humorous moments and its a decent whodunit but I thought the movie was too slow and too cheesy even for me.

Grade: C

Super Carnitas reviews The Walking Dead (2010)

Season 1, Epsiode 1

Based on the comic series The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman

Brought to life by Frank Darabont

Let me start by saying that I have been a faithful reader of Kirkman’s comic series since it’s inception. I love the concept and the genre. Kirkman is a masterful plotter and keeps the reader hooked with plenty of tension and surprises. Where Kirkman tends to lose me is on the journey from point A to point B, or point L to point M. I often find his dialogue tedious and forced. His characters suffer for it. Conceptually the characters have tons of potential, but Kirkman consistently falls short in making them realize that potential. Don’t get me wrong, I love the comic despite Kirkman’s shortcomings. And it’s not all terrible, sometimes he shows flashes of brilliance. I’ve just always wondered what it would be like if someone else took Kirkman’s ideas…and fleshed them out. Enter Frank Darabont. Let’s see what happens.

Darabont wastes no time in letting us know what kind of show we’re getting. In the opening scene we find Rick…the main character…confronting a zombie at an abandoned gas station. He calmly puts it out of it’s misery with a bullet to the brain. Nice. The zombie happens to be a 5 year old girl clutching a teddy bear. Nicer. Not that I advocate violence against children on basic cable..but she was a zombie. C’mon. It’s here where Darabont tells us he’s not going to pull any punches.

After the credits we get a pre-apocalypse Rick sitting in his police cruiser with his partner Shane. They are drinking coffee and complaining about the women in their lives. In this conversation we learn that Rick’s relationship with his wife is strained. Shane’s complaints are innocuous, but Rick reveals himself to be wounded early on here.

From there we get the setup. Rick gets shot and hospitalized. Shane is shown to be a sympathetic…and true friend. We even see him bring Rick flowers…just before it all goes to hell. Rick wakes up a couple of weeks later and has no idea what is going on. Now we all know what’s going on…zombies…but Rick has no idea. Darabont does a great job here with the slow reveal. The hospital is a house of horrors, and it only gets worse once Rick finally finds his way outside. The landscape is littered with body bags, most showing blood stains around the head.

 

Rick wanders into his neighborhood and finds his house deserted. Confused and afraid he wanders back out into the street…and slumps down on a stoop. He sees a walker in the distance, yet he remains unfazed…still unaware of the danger he is in. If only there was someone to explain it all to him…

 

After a blow to the head Rick gets filled in by a couple of survivors. A man and his young son who have shored up in the house of one of Rick’s neighbors. It takes Rick awhile to come to grips with what’s going on. Darabont doesn’t rush it. His pacing, up to this point, has been perfectly deliberate. The man and his boy (Morgan and Duane) share their sad story with Rick. Soon we meet Morgan’s wife….in the form of a zombie. If it hasn’t sunk in with Rick yet….it absolutely does when he makes eye contact with said zombie through the front door peephole…and with the rattling of the doorknob.

 

As the episode goes on we learn a few things. We learn the zombies have faint memories of their former lives. We learn that there is word out that it is safe in Atlanta. We learn that Rick’s wife and son (Lori and Carl) are camped outside of Atlanta with a group of survivors…including his former partner Shane. We learn that Shane and Lori have become more than friends. We learn that zombies enjoy horse meat. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

 

After showering, shaving, and arming themselves to the teeth at the local police station…Rick and Morgan part ways. Rick decides to head to Atlanta while Morgan decides to stay back with his son. Rick’s journey begins here and it kicks off with him putting a bullet between the eyes of a fellow police officer turned zombie. Darabont is at his best during this scene. A chain link fence seperates the two. Rick studies his former colleague before pulling the trigger. I expected the scene to cut away with the blast, as the gun was fired, but Darabont stayed with it. We see the bullet explode through the back of the zombies head, and we see him slump down against the fence…finally at peace. Good stuff.

 

As Rick makes his way towards Atlanta he ditches his cruiser (out of gas) for a horse. He spies a helicopter overhead. He’s confronted by a horde…and he eventually finds himself inside an abandoned army tank. Don’t ask. Once he disposes of the zombie soldier inside the tank…he receives a transmission over the tank’s radio. Someone saw him…and knows he’s there.

 

I had high hopes for this series, and I have to say, the first episode exceeded all of them. The zombies were top notch. The crawling-torso woman was a highlight. I was concerned that the gore would be toned down, and I actually hoped they would present the series in black and white so they could get away with more carnage. Umm…turns out it’s not going to be an issue. That poor horse.

 

Having read the comics, it’s interesting meeting these characters for the first time…yet already knowing their fates. I’m curious to see how close Darabont sticks to the source material. Like I said before, there is room for improvement there. I expect to be surprised along the way. I look forward to watching the story unfold. It’s off to a great start.

Guillaume de Sade Reviews: Book of Eli (2010)

Directed by: Albert & Allen Hughes
Written by: Gary Whitta

When talking about post apocalyptic movies, there is no gray area. You either get it right (Mad Max, Terminator: Salvation) or you get it wrong (Johnny Mnemonic, Tank Girl). The Book of Eli definitely got it right.

Let start with a little history of the Hughes Brothers as directors. Their feature film resume is short…very short. Wikipedia only has five films credited to them, including Book of Eli, which happens to be the only one I’ve seen. As a matter of fact, outside of the dubious honor of being on the wrong end of 2Pac’s fist (http://www.strictlyballin.net/timeline.html), this movie is the only frame of reference I have for them.

Then there’s Gary Oldman. Monster talent and definitely raises the bar for any project that he’s associated with. I had first seen him in “The Professional” and then in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” and a couple of movies where he’s just being a dick. Then there’s Denzel.

I will be doing a review of “Training Day” soon and probably some other movies of his, but there will be a lot of cross referencing. He really was the biggest X factor in this movie. Were we going to get the versatile, mega talented Denzel that drew you into a movie and wouldn’t let you go…you know, the one that got snubbed for his portrayal of Malcolm X (He lost that year to Al Pacino for “Scent of A Woman”…seriously look it up. I’ll wait for you) or were we going to get the stuttering nervous guy from such hits as Ricochet and John Q. His history with action/adventure type movies being hit or miss at best, the stuttering nervous guy would have sunk this movie. I’m glad he stayed home. That guy gets on my nerves.

Rounding out the cast was just a very weird pick, but Mila Kunis…hot, hell yeah. Talented enough to be on screen with Gary Oldman AND bad ass Denzel?! I would have never thought it possible. This could be the role that elevates her status from hot chick to actor (…or actress, depending on how politically correct you are).

Okay, so the movie itself and how these people fit into it. The Hughes Bros did an incredible job of painting this world and pacing it so that it’s layers peeled back slowly, but not so slow as to make you lose interest. They also made sure it had it’s own look and feel to it and not end up a Road Warrior knock off. You would think that they’d run out of stuff in about 15 minutes, but no. They had enough depth of story and characters to keep this pace and keep the viewer interested the entire two hours. At each big reveal, you’d think that was “it” and now where was the movie going and they always had something else.

Now, about Mr. Washington…I’ve seen him in a few movies that were classified as action, but it wasn’t until “Training Day” that I saw him as a true bad ass, capable of carrying an action movie. I had gone off on a rant here about racism and the academy awards, but I deleted it and will save it for my review of “Training Day”. Let’s just end this by saying that he brought that same intensity to this role and it spilled out over the whole movie. Gary Oldman is an incredible actor. Almost to good. This man disappears so deep into his roles, that most of the time you just forget that it’s him that your watching. I actually had to look up his filmography to remember the movies I’ve seen him in. Even the movies that he was clearly doing for a paycheck, he never phoned it in.

I’ll try to cover the plot of this movie without spoiling to much. Eli (Washington) is on a mission to deliver a book of great importance to a location that he has never been to with only his faith as a guide. Carnegie (Oldman) runs a town and has been searching the book that Eli has in order to exploit it and increase his power. When the two cross paths, Eli finds it necessary to use Kali and a machete to deliver a biblical ass kicking to a bar full of people. Eli eventually escapes to continue his mission and has picked up a sidekick on his way out of town (Kunis). The layers of this movie continue to peel back right until the end when we are treated to a cameo by Malcolm McDowell…yup…that’s about all I feel like I can say without feeling like I’m spoiling something for those that haven’t seen it.

– Guillaume de Sade

Chainsaw Cheerleader Reviews: Bug (2006)

Directed by: William Friedkin

Written by: Tracy Letts

Cast: Ashley Judd, Harry Connick Jr., Michael Shannon, Lynn Collins

Genre: Psychological Thriller

 

Ashley Judd is not an actress that conjures up film roles that center around the successful development of a shattered and mentally ill character. She is also an actress that when one sees her name as part of the cast of a movie one either just shrugs or ignores her all together. I do not think I have ever sought out a movie to watch because Ashley Judd was in it. The last movie I remember watching of hers was Twisted which came out in 2004. I believe the only reason why I watched it is because it was late at night and I couldn’t sleep. It is these reasons why I find Ashley Judd’s performance in the 2006 movie Bug to be amazing. Playing a lonely and mentally ill character can be very challenging to any actor but for those who can, have a skill that few others have. Ashley Judd does this and does so believably. This alone makes me question why has no director before William Friedkin pushed Judd to act as she has in this film?

Agnes White (Ashley Judd) is a lonely waitress living in a rundown motel in an unnamed sad little town in Oklahoma. Still haunted by her past, White cannot escape her abusive ex-husband who  has just been paroled and the kidnapping of her son that took place ten years ago. She tries to numb these memories with alienating herself from society while relying heavily on drugs and alcohol. Whites only friend, R.C. (Lynn Collins) arrives at her place with a drifter, Peter Evans (Michael Shannon) who she met a work. After a nights long drug binge, White and Evans are drawn to each other and soon a relationship between the two begins. Soon after their relationship begins Evans informs White that while he served in the military he was subjected to biological tests at the hands of the government. As his paranoia increases, Evans tells White that government doctors injected insects into his blood stream. White is so damaged mentally that she easily follows Evans deeper into his insanity. Evans and White’s mental illness plays off the other as one begins to notice bugs in their bed the other soon sees them as well. It is not long before they believe they are being monitored by the government and that the bugs in Evan’s blood are releasing radio signals that have given away his position. As Evans and White begin to drown in their insanity they start to mutilate their bodies to try to free the bugs and wrap White’s entire motel room in tinfoil to stop the signal that the bugs are broadcasting. Once they are willing to hurt themselves then they become willing to hurt others.

Ultimately, Bug is a love story. Personally, I am someone who hates romance movies. If a movie does not contain at least one explosion or a severed head I tend to get bored. Even if a movie is not a romantic film I wonder why in every single movie the main character has to have a love interest? Romance movies to me are not only dull but represent heaping piles of bullshit that lie to the viewer about the role of men, women, and love. Thankfully, Bug goes in a completely different direction when it comes to this love story and the real question about this love is do these two people really love each other? Evans and White’s insanity feeds off the other and with each passing day the two become crazier and crazier. When one does not believe the other they are quickly questioned and their love for the other is doubted. It seems for each character the other fills a need. Evans needs White to believe in his delusion in order to validate what he thinks to be true. White is so broken by her past that she is willing to believe anything in order to feel comforted and to forget what has been done to her. Bug has no Hollywood ending with love beating all odds and overcoming all hurdles by the end of the film. It is wonderful to see a film that has two lovers who would have been much more fortunate had they never met each other.

Bug starts off slowly and takes its time introducing the viewer to each of the characters pains. By being slowly introduced to their hardship and sickness their issues do not come off as silly when the two truly go over the top. This makes the tinfoil covered room and the pulling of teeth to look for egg sacks seem plausible. The slow build up makes the viewer understand why the two characters believe they hear black hawk helicopters when it is really the ceiling fan and how the two can cut open their skin looking for bugs.

The majority of Bug takes place in White’s rundown dingy motel room. The only other places in the film are the bar in which she works and several outside shots of the motel. The lack of film locations help represent Evans and White’s isolation from the rest of the world. It emphasizes their loneliness and  helps explain how easily they slip into the darkness. The lack of locations works very well for the film. The motel room is never boring as its appearance is always changing. The crazier Evans and White become, the crazier the decor of the room is. The first addition to the room is fly tape and lots of it. Soon bug zappers and plastic traps are added. In the end tinfoil covers every inch of the room.

Bug is often shot in close-ups. Which works very well as the actors are seen with no make-up, bags under their eyes, sweaty, and lines on their faces. Ashley Judd is nude several times in this film and in a brave step for her and the film, her body looks like the average woman’s body does. She is not so skinny you can she her bones. Her backside is a little large, her belly has a little fat, and her breasts are small. Judd does not look like the perfect airbrushed actress which is nice to see because honestly how many mentally ill drug addicts  are gorgeous? It is nice to see a woman fully committing to her role. This lack of perfection on Judd and Shannon’s part adds to the heart-breaking yet disturbing performance.

Bug is surprisingly enjoyable and interesting to watch. It is a refreshing take on romance and nudity in films. I truly believe that Bug is a film that is worth a watch.

Bug receives an 8 out 10