Pi reviews JACKASS 3D (2010)
Let me help you kids, it’s Jackass. Do you really need to read a review about it? What are you expecting? To hear about artistic vision, daring cinematography? Perhaps the clever socio-political commentary in the midget stunt? Or how Pontius is bringing environmental issues to light by putting a woodpecker on his dick? It’s fucking Jackass and you can only fall into one of two camps.
1.) You find people getting hit in the balls funny.
2.) You don’t.
Since those are the only two options, choose one. If you choose one, go see Jackass 3D. Preferably with a bunch of friends, because you’ll laugh your ass off. If you choose two, you’re gay.
What I really wanna talk about is 3D. That’s the common question I get from everyone about this flick. “Do I really need to see it in 3D?” My answer is simple.
No, you don’t.
With the exception of the opening and closing montages and a scattered few scenes, the 3D really adds nothing to this film and the aforementioned scenes are all watchable without 3D. Honestly, is 3D necessary in any film? I saw Avatar for the first time a couple of months ago on my regular, old HDTV. I didn’t need 3D and I appreciated the movie for the overrated CGI puppet show that it is. 3D is not only a transparant Get Rich Quick scheme by film studios, but it’s a fucking insult to all of you.
I don’t know how many people here have kids, but to take an average family of four to go see a flick nowadays is 60-80 bucks nowadays. No bullshit. Add in the added fees of 3D, you’re pushing 100. They know exactly what they’re doing, which is why all the fucking kids movies that come out are in 3D. They know that kids will beg their parents, they know that insipid moms will insist it’s something for the whole family to do and dad’s out a Hundo.
Studio greed never ceases to amaze me. They cried about people downloading movies cutting into their profits. The actual reality of that isn’t even close to MP3s versus CDs. This 3D bullshit is going to blow up in their face, because they’re pricing the average filmgoer out of the theatre. Rather than take my family to see a couple flicks a month, it’s gonna be one and I sure as Hell ain’t paying 100 dollars to see G-Force. Kids or no kids, I refuse. On top of it, part of these extra fees are for the glasses, which they urge you to give back after the movie. Sure, you can say “Fuck that. I paid for these, I’m keeping ’em.” Go ahead. They’re useless outside of the movie, because even though the glasses don’t change film to film, they make you buy them again next time you get suckered into a 3D movie, whether you have the ones left over from the previous flick or not. FUCK YOU.
So why did I break my 3D boycott to see Jackass? See my original statement. It’s funny. Flying Porta-Potties, Dildo Bazookas, Midget Bar Brawls, Stun Guns, Bulls A-Goring, Rams A-Smashing, Tooth Pulling, Dick Torture, Snake Pits, Face Field Goals and much, much more. Seriously, I laughed my ass off for most of the 90 minutes. The editing of Jackass is great. It’s no narrative, stunt, stunt, stunt. There’s little to no setup and my only real criticism is there’s no real break in the film to allow you to process all the fucked up shit you’ve just seen. You’ll have to do that afterwards. The second is that it doesn’t need to cost 15 bucks, because it’s not any funnier in 3D. I can’t really give a lettergrade or rating to this film. Like I said in my opener, it is what it is. It’s either for you or it’s not.